Gardening is a great hobby, and if you know a gardener, you know how passionate they can be about their plants. They can talk for hours about frost dates, soil amendment techniques, the best tomato varieties, and pest control. And you can bet a random bag of zucchini and yellow squash will appear on your front porch at some time during the growing season.
Whether you have a green thumb or not, these funny gardening puns will just grow on you. Next time you chat with your favorite gardener, lead the conversation with one of these funny plant puns or jokes. I guarantee you they will be all ears and that these jokes won’t be too corny!
A Bumper Crop of Funny Gardening Puns
Someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
I’ve soiled myself.
I feel sorry for wheelbarrows. They’re always getting pushed around.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I love gardening big thyme.
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds it grew on me.
I tried to teach my plants to do math, but they all ended up with square roots.
The worms have taken over – it’s a global worming!
When the growin’ gets tough, the tough get growin.
Fruit & Vegetable Plant Puns To Make You Giggle
I love you from my head tomatoes.
Lettuce turnip the beet.
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
It’s a little bit rad, but not totally rad. It’s only radish.
Everyone romaine calm.
I need some peas and quiet.
I don’t carrot at all.
Lettuce squash any beef between us.
Thyme for a Few Herb Garden Jokes and Puns
Ain’t nobody got thyme for that.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I’m kind of a big dill.
Never a dill moment.
Chive never met anyone quite like you.
It’s party thyme in the herb garden!
We could all use a little sage advice.
Hey stranger, long thyme no see!
I really hate it when my bay leaves.
Plant Puns That Will Make You Shake Like A Leaf
I’d never leaf you.
Let me plant one on ya!
I’m very frond of you.
Pot it like it’s hot.
I’m rooting for you!
Houseplants are my best fronds.
Reap What You Sew With These Seasonal Garden Puns
Thank goodness spring is finally here! The trees are re-leaved.
Ah, it’s summer thyme!
Spring is coming. I’m so excited I wet my plants!
Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Garden Pest Puns That’ll Make You Slap Your Ant
Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Arnold Schwarzenegger retired from showbiz to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Saw a fantastic film about a very large insect. It was XL ant.
I saw an antelope the other day. First insect wedding that I’ve attended.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
Poor butterfly wasn’t allowed into the dance. It was a moth ball.
Puns for Farmers to Ruminate Over
I put up an electric fence around my field last weekend. My neighbor is dead against it.
The scarecrow get promoted. He was outstanding in his field.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I got arrested at the Farmers Market. I was disturbing the peas.
As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep. I’d tell them to my dog but he’d herd them all.
I tried to navigate the farmer’s field, but it was a maize.
Q & A Jokes to Make Your Cheeks Rosy
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing!
Q: Why can’t the flower ride his bike?
A: Because he lost his petals!
Q: You hear about the squirrel diet?
A: It’s nuts!
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: It gets jalapeño business.
Q: How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A: As mushroom as possible.
Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date.
Q: How do trees get online?
A: They just log in.
Q: What’s small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish.
Q: What runs around a garden but never moves?
A: A fence.
Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Q: What is the circumference of a pumpkin?
A: Pumpkin pi!
Cherry-picked Gardening Quotes
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedburg
“The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.” – Texas Bix Bender, Don’t Throw in the Trowel
“A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.” – Doug Larson
“What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.” – Charles Dudley Warner
“Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.” – Henry Beard
“Gardening requires lots of water – most of it in the form of perspiration.” – Lou Erickson
“A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.” – T.H. Everett